As a therapist I see so many different types of people. Whether I see individuals, couples, families, or teens, relationships are brought into the counseling sessions. In all of these circles one thing comes into my office, pain and people. So many times it is very clear to me, but not to the person sitting on my couch, that either they are not being treated right, or they are not treating someone right.
Many times when we talk about relationships people think our partner, spouse, boyfriend/girlfriend, or sexual relationships. Many times family, friendships, co-worker, and neighbor relationships are not thought of. A relationship can be toxic without it being romantic or sexual. I will talk about other types of relationships in future blog posts.
Today I am going to focus on Domestic Abuse and Domestic Violence. Below is an image that shares 8 warning signs before violence starts.
Too many times we ignore the warning signs. The first one is in box 1. The intensity sign. It is very flattering to have a person be very interested in us. It could even be refreshing to meet someone who is so sure of what they want. We feel the warm fuzzies when that person wants to know our family and friends. However, the intensity of that can be a warning sign. Moving too fast too soon is another sign. These things feel good, we feel the attention that we have always wanted, not realizing that we are being groomed for what is to come.
Number one comes first, the other signs don't necessarily have to come in order. Many times looking at this will give us a feeling of being right. However, many times we do not do anything about it. Why? Because the good treatment starts, and it makes us think there is hope, or that we were over reacting. It is a very confusing time. Mostly because when we get involved in a relationship we want to do all that we can to make it work. We also keep chasing those good feelings in the beginning. We hope that the person we fell in love with will return. Maybe if we try harder, or act just like we did when the relationship started it will get better.
Isolation is another warning sign that is one of the most seen. Partners will not like friends and family. Will get upset if their partner wants to call, text, or spend time with a friend or family member. Many times friends are pushed to the side, and family members become unimportant. While the abusive partner expects you to spend time with their friends, and you are spending free time with just his/her family members. It becomes hard to see that there is a problem because it becomes normal. The times that it does not feel good to you is when there is a special occasion, or a holiday, and you are expected to not be around your family and friends. Many times the abusive partner will state that the person does not give them a good feeling, or that your family is dysfunctional.
Pretty soon you are noticing that your life is no longer yours. Most of what you do is for the other person or because the other person wants you to or not to do. You worry about the other person being upset if you do not do something just right. You are told you are not good enough, in one way or another. Sometimes its putting down appearance, sometimes it is putting down career or profession, sometimes it is putting down your personality, sometimes it is putting down sexual performance, but it is critical and hurtful. Most problems are your fault, and when they are not your fault the person says that its because of you that they act the way that they do. Pretty soon we are feeling like we are not good enough. If our partner is happy and content that is great, but we often feel empty and alone.
Abusive relationships are harmful, not only to us, but to those we love that are innocent victims of it. This could be our families, our friends, our co-workers, and our children. Sometimes we end up loosing people, jobs, and activities because of these relationships.
Once these 8 warning signs are present, there is a higher probability of violence happening. People get confused about what domestic violence is. Well I haven't been hit, so it isn't violence. If a phone is taken away from you, that is domestic violence. If car keys are taken that is domestic violence. Using power to intimidate, that is domestic violence. Threatening suicide is domestic violence. Threatening to hurt other family members, including children, is domestic violence. Tripping, pushing, running into, kicking, punching walls, and throwing things are all domestic violence. Sex acts that are not wanted, are painful, are demeaning are domestic violence.
If you think that your relationship could be considered domestic abuse, or domestic violence, please seek help. Colorado has a help line, it is Colorado Helpline at 855.978.2638 Renewed Hope Counseling, LLC offers help once you are ready to talk. We offer help while still in the abusive situations, while you are leaving, and post relationship. This causes trauma, sometimes PTSD, getting mental health support is important. I can offer you a safe place to talk, learn, and heal.
Again, the Colorado Helpline is 855.978.2638
You are not alone!
Many times when we talk about relationships people think our partner, spouse, boyfriend/girlfriend, or sexual relationships. Many times family, friendships, co-worker, and neighbor relationships are not thought of. A relationship can be toxic without it being romantic or sexual. I will talk about other types of relationships in future blog posts.
Today I am going to focus on Domestic Abuse and Domestic Violence. Below is an image that shares 8 warning signs before violence starts.
Number one comes first, the other signs don't necessarily have to come in order. Many times looking at this will give us a feeling of being right. However, many times we do not do anything about it. Why? Because the good treatment starts, and it makes us think there is hope, or that we were over reacting. It is a very confusing time. Mostly because when we get involved in a relationship we want to do all that we can to make it work. We also keep chasing those good feelings in the beginning. We hope that the person we fell in love with will return. Maybe if we try harder, or act just like we did when the relationship started it will get better.
Isolation is another warning sign that is one of the most seen. Partners will not like friends and family. Will get upset if their partner wants to call, text, or spend time with a friend or family member. Many times friends are pushed to the side, and family members become unimportant. While the abusive partner expects you to spend time with their friends, and you are spending free time with just his/her family members. It becomes hard to see that there is a problem because it becomes normal. The times that it does not feel good to you is when there is a special occasion, or a holiday, and you are expected to not be around your family and friends. Many times the abusive partner will state that the person does not give them a good feeling, or that your family is dysfunctional.
Pretty soon you are noticing that your life is no longer yours. Most of what you do is for the other person or because the other person wants you to or not to do. You worry about the other person being upset if you do not do something just right. You are told you are not good enough, in one way or another. Sometimes its putting down appearance, sometimes it is putting down career or profession, sometimes it is putting down your personality, sometimes it is putting down sexual performance, but it is critical and hurtful. Most problems are your fault, and when they are not your fault the person says that its because of you that they act the way that they do. Pretty soon we are feeling like we are not good enough. If our partner is happy and content that is great, but we often feel empty and alone.
Abusive relationships are harmful, not only to us, but to those we love that are innocent victims of it. This could be our families, our friends, our co-workers, and our children. Sometimes we end up loosing people, jobs, and activities because of these relationships.
Once these 8 warning signs are present, there is a higher probability of violence happening. People get confused about what domestic violence is. Well I haven't been hit, so it isn't violence. If a phone is taken away from you, that is domestic violence. If car keys are taken that is domestic violence. Using power to intimidate, that is domestic violence. Threatening suicide is domestic violence. Threatening to hurt other family members, including children, is domestic violence. Tripping, pushing, running into, kicking, punching walls, and throwing things are all domestic violence. Sex acts that are not wanted, are painful, are demeaning are domestic violence.
If you think that your relationship could be considered domestic abuse, or domestic violence, please seek help. Colorado has a help line, it is Colorado Helpline at 855.978.2638 Renewed Hope Counseling, LLC offers help once you are ready to talk. We offer help while still in the abusive situations, while you are leaving, and post relationship. This causes trauma, sometimes PTSD, getting mental health support is important. I can offer you a safe place to talk, learn, and heal.
Again, the Colorado Helpline is 855.978.2638
You are not alone!
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